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MARRIAGE IS SPIRITUAL
(1) Marriage Reflects the Person of God
Genesis 1:27 (NLT) So God created human beings in his own image. In the image of God he created them; male and female he created them.
Created as male and female in His image, to bear His image, and to reflect His glory.
Man bears the image of God.
Woman bears the image of God.
When the two come together in marriage, they bear the express image of God Himself.
Think about the image of a man: Strong, defender, provider, Warrior.
Does the Bible describe God in these terms? YES!
He is our STRONG TOWER, the righteous run into Him and are safe.
He is the DEFENDER OF THE WEAK
He is called Yahweh-Yira (the Lord will PROVIDE).
He is called the MIGHTY WARRIOR who stands beside us.
Think about the image of a woman: Loving, Gentle, Nurturing, Helping
Does the Bible describe God in these terms? YES!
He is LOVE and he that loves not, knows not God for GOD IS LOVE.
He says, “Take my yoke upon you and learn of Me for I am GENTLE and lowly in heart.”
Isaiah quotes God as saying “As a mother comforts her child, so I will comfort you; you shall be comforted in Jerusalem.” NURTURING
Psalm 46:1 (NIV) God is our refuge and strength, an ever-present HELP in trouble.
(2) Marriage Reflects the Plan of God
Ephesians Model (God has a structured plan and order of relationships on this earth).
(a) GOD FIRST
Ephesians 5:15-20 (NLT) So be careful how you live. Don’t live like fools, but like those who are wise.
16 Make the most of every opportunity in these evil days.
17 Don’t act thoughtlessly, but understand what the Lord wants you to do.
18 Don’t be drunk with wine, because that will ruin your life. Instead, be filled with the Holy Spirit,
19 singing psalms and hymns and spiritual songs among yourselves, and making music to the Lord in your hearts.
20 And give thanks for everything to God the Father in the name of our Lord Jesus Christ.
(b) SPOUSE SECOND
Ephesians 5:21-26 (NLT) And further, submit to one another out of reverence for Christ.
22 For wives, this means submit to your husbands as to the Lord.
23 For a husband is the head of his wife as Christ is the head of the church. He is the Savior of his body, the church.
24 As the church submits to Christ, so you wives should submit to your husbands in everything.
25 For husbands, this means love your wives, just as Christ loved the church. He gave up his life for her
26 to make her holy and clean, washed by the cleansing of God’s word.
(3) CHILDREN THIRD
Ephesians 6:1-4 (NLT) Children, obey your parents because you belong to the Lord, for this is the right thing to do.
2 “Honor your father and mother.” This is the first commandment with a promise:
3 If you honor your father and mother, “things will go well for you, and you will have a long life on the earth.”
4 Fathers, do not provoke your children to anger by the way you treat them. Rather, bring them up with the discipline and instruction that comes from the Lord.
(4) WORK FOURTH
Ephesians 6:5-9 (NLT) Slaves, obey your earthly masters with deep respect and fear. Serve them sincerely as you would serve Christ.
6 Try to please them all the time, not just when they are watching you. As slaves of Christ, do the will of God with all your heart.
7 Work with enthusiasm, as though you were working for the Lord rather than for people. 8 Remember that the Lord will reward each one of us for the good we do, whether we are slaves or free.
9 Masters, treat your slaves in the same way. Don’t threaten them; remember, you both have the same Master in heaven, and he has no favorites.
Slavery in the first century had even doctors and lawyers included in it and some were wealthy.
Think of it more as a employee/employer relationship.
GOD, SPOUSE, CHILDREN, WORK (Biblical plan and order that never needs to be rearranged).
Because God is a God of order, not chaos, there is order to everything God does.
(3) Marriage Reflects the Priority of God
Jesus, answering the trapping question of a Religious Leader says,
Matthew 19:4-6 (NLT) “Haven’t you read the Scriptures?” Jesus replied. “They record that from the beginning ‘God made them male and female.’”
5 And he said, “‘This explains why a man leaves his father and mother and is joined to his wife, and the two are united into one.’
6 Since they are no longer two but one, let no one split apart what God has joined together.”
Jesus takes them back to the Garden to God’s original priority:
“God made them male and female.”
“A man leaves his father and mother and is joined to his wife” (A new relationship).
When they are joined to each other in marriage, they are “united into one.”
“Let no one split apart what God has joined together.”
Because marriage is SACRED it is HIGHLY SPIRITUAL because it is a PRIORITY of GOD.
(4) Marriage Reflects the Pursuit of God
Ephesians 5:31-32 (NLT) As the Scriptures say, “A man leaves his father and mother and is joined to his wife, and the two are united into one.”
32 This is a great mystery, but it is an illustration of the way Christ and the church are one.
Marriage is an illustration of the way Jesus and the church are ONE.
Anything becomes HOLY when it is compared to Jesus and His pursuit of the church.
How does He pursue the church and love the church?
Ephesians 5:21-30 (NLT) And further, submit to one another out of reverence for Christ.
22 For wives, this means submit to your husbands as to the Lord.
23 For a husband is the head of his wife as Christ is the head of the church. He is the Savior of his body, the church.
24 As the church submits to Christ, so you wives should submit to your husbands in everything.
25 For husbands, this means love your wives, just as Christ loved the church. He gave up his life for her
26 to make her holy and clean, washed by the cleansing of God’s word.
27 He did this to present her to himself as a glorious church without a spot or wrinkle or any other blemish. Instead, she will be holy and without fault.
28 In the same way, husbands ought to love their wives as they love their own bodies. For a man who loves his wife actually shows love for himself.
29 No one hates his own body but feeds and cares for it, just as Christ cares for the church. 30 And we are members of his body.
He is the Savior of his body, the church
Jesus loves the church
Giving up His life for her,
Cleansing her, making her holy and washed.
Jesus presents her to Himself, holy and without wrinkle
Jesus cares for the church by feeding it and nurturing it and taking care of it.
Jesus and the church are ONE, eternally linked together.
NO WONDER THE DEVIL HATES MARRIAGE because he HATES CHRIST and HIS CHURCH.
Now do you understand how SPIRITUAL the institution of marriage really is?
Because it is SPIRITUAL, it must be seen as SPIRITUAL and dealt with SPIRITUALLY.
In Ephesians, right after we see the PLAN of GOD for the family (God, Spouse, Children, Work) look at what is next:
It is the passage on spiritual warfare. (This is not coincidence).
Ephesians 6:10-18 (NLT) A final word: Be strong in the Lord and in his mighty power.
11 Put on all of God’s armor so that you will be able to stand firm against all strategies of the devil.
12 For we are not fighting against flesh-and-blood enemies, but against evil rulers and authorities of the unseen world, against mighty powers in this dark world, and against evil spirits in the heavenly places.
13 Therefore, put on every piece of God’s armor so you will be able to resist the enemy in the time of evil. Then after the battle you will still be standing firm.
14 Stand your ground, putting on the belt of truth and the body armor of God’s righteousness. 15 For shoes, put on the peace that comes from the Good News so that you will be fully prepared.
16 In addition to all of these, hold up the shield of faith to stop the fiery arrows of the devil. 17 Put on salvation as your helmet, and take the sword of the Spirit, which is the word of God.
18 Pray in the Spirit at all times and on every occasion. Stay alert and be persistent in your prayers for all believers everywhere.
What does this tell you?
You don’t fight spiritual battles in the physical realm, you fight them in the spiritual realm with the spiritual armor and spiritual weaponry that God provides.
Some of you are fighting physically against one another thinking that your spouse is the problem or the enemy.
NO! The devil is your enemy and YOU MUST WAGE WAR AGAINST HIM.
Standing upon TRUTH
Living in the RIGHTEOUSNESS that Jesus provides
Understanding the PEACE of God’s Salvation
Standing on the promises of God by FAITH
Understanding the full scope and assurance of your SALVATION
Wielding the Sword of the Spirit which is the WORD OF GOD
and getting on your knees in PRAYER.
Wage war against the defeated enemy who is desperately trying to wage war against you.
Repent to God because of your marriage
Believe God for your marriage
Ask Him to restore your marriage
Pray for your marriage
Fight for your marriage in Jesus name.
Don’t let the devil divide what Jesus has declared to be ONE.
(1) Marriage Reflects the Person of God
Genesis 1:27 (NLT) So God created human beings in his own image. In the image of God he created them; male and female he created them.
Created as male and female in His image, to bear His image, and to reflect His glory.
Man bears the image of God.
Woman bears the image of God.
When the two come together in marriage, they bear the express image of God Himself.
Think about the image of a man: Strong, defender, provider, Warrior.
Does the Bible describe God in these terms? YES!
He is our STRONG TOWER, the righteous run into Him and are safe.
He is the DEFENDER OF THE WEAK
He is called Yahweh-Yira (the Lord will PROVIDE).
He is called the MIGHTY WARRIOR who stands beside us.
Think about the image of a woman: Loving, Gentle, Nurturing, Helping
Does the Bible describe God in these terms? YES!
He is LOVE and he that loves not, knows not God for GOD IS LOVE.
He says, “Take my yoke upon you and learn of Me for I am GENTLE and lowly in heart.”
Isaiah quotes God as saying “As a mother comforts her child, so I will comfort you; you shall be comforted in Jerusalem.” NURTURING
Psalm 46:1 (NIV) God is our refuge and strength, an ever-present HELP in trouble.
(2) Marriage Reflects the Plan of God
Ephesians Model (God has a structured plan and order of relationships on this earth).
(a) GOD FIRST
Ephesians 5:15-20 (NLT) So be careful how you live. Don’t live like fools, but like those who are wise.
16 Make the most of every opportunity in these evil days.
17 Don’t act thoughtlessly, but understand what the Lord wants you to do.
18 Don’t be drunk with wine, because that will ruin your life. Instead, be filled with the Holy Spirit,
19 singing psalms and hymns and spiritual songs among yourselves, and making music to the Lord in your hearts.
20 And give thanks for everything to God the Father in the name of our Lord Jesus Christ.
(b) SPOUSE SECOND
Ephesians 5:21-26 (NLT) And further, submit to one another out of reverence for Christ.
22 For wives, this means submit to your husbands as to the Lord.
23 For a husband is the head of his wife as Christ is the head of the church. He is the Savior of his body, the church.
24 As the church submits to Christ, so you wives should submit to your husbands in everything.
25 For husbands, this means love your wives, just as Christ loved the church. He gave up his life for her
26 to make her holy and clean, washed by the cleansing of God’s word.
(3) CHILDREN THIRD
Ephesians 6:1-4 (NLT) Children, obey your parents because you belong to the Lord, for this is the right thing to do.
2 “Honor your father and mother.” This is the first commandment with a promise:
3 If you honor your father and mother, “things will go well for you, and you will have a long life on the earth.”
4 Fathers, do not provoke your children to anger by the way you treat them. Rather, bring them up with the discipline and instruction that comes from the Lord.
(4) WORK FOURTH
Ephesians 6:5-9 (NLT) Slaves, obey your earthly masters with deep respect and fear. Serve them sincerely as you would serve Christ.
6 Try to please them all the time, not just when they are watching you. As slaves of Christ, do the will of God with all your heart.
7 Work with enthusiasm, as though you were working for the Lord rather than for people. 8 Remember that the Lord will reward each one of us for the good we do, whether we are slaves or free.
9 Masters, treat your slaves in the same way. Don’t threaten them; remember, you both have the same Master in heaven, and he has no favorites.
Slavery in the first century had even doctors and lawyers included in it and some were wealthy.
Think of it more as a employee/employer relationship.
GOD, SPOUSE, CHILDREN, WORK (Biblical plan and order that never needs to be rearranged).
Because God is a God of order, not chaos, there is order to everything God does.
(3) Marriage Reflects the Priority of God
Jesus, answering the trapping question of a Religious Leader says,
Matthew 19:4-6 (NLT) “Haven’t you read the Scriptures?” Jesus replied. “They record that from the beginning ‘God made them male and female.’”
5 And he said, “‘This explains why a man leaves his father and mother and is joined to his wife, and the two are united into one.’
6 Since they are no longer two but one, let no one split apart what God has joined together.”
Jesus takes them back to the Garden to God’s original priority:
“God made them male and female.”
“A man leaves his father and mother and is joined to his wife” (A new relationship).
When they are joined to each other in marriage, they are “united into one.”
“Let no one split apart what God has joined together.”
Because marriage is SACRED it is HIGHLY SPIRITUAL because it is a PRIORITY of GOD.
(4) Marriage Reflects the Pursuit of God
Ephesians 5:31-32 (NLT) As the Scriptures say, “A man leaves his father and mother and is joined to his wife, and the two are united into one.”
32 This is a great mystery, but it is an illustration of the way Christ and the church are one.
Marriage is an illustration of the way Jesus and the church are ONE.
Anything becomes HOLY when it is compared to Jesus and His pursuit of the church.
How does He pursue the church and love the church?
Ephesians 5:21-30 (NLT) And further, submit to one another out of reverence for Christ.
22 For wives, this means submit to your husbands as to the Lord.
23 For a husband is the head of his wife as Christ is the head of the church. He is the Savior of his body, the church.
24 As the church submits to Christ, so you wives should submit to your husbands in everything.
25 For husbands, this means love your wives, just as Christ loved the church. He gave up his life for her
26 to make her holy and clean, washed by the cleansing of God’s word.
27 He did this to present her to himself as a glorious church without a spot or wrinkle or any other blemish. Instead, she will be holy and without fault.
28 In the same way, husbands ought to love their wives as they love their own bodies. For a man who loves his wife actually shows love for himself.
29 No one hates his own body but feeds and cares for it, just as Christ cares for the church. 30 And we are members of his body.
He is the Savior of his body, the church
Jesus loves the church
Giving up His life for her,
Cleansing her, making her holy and washed.
Jesus presents her to Himself, holy and without wrinkle
Jesus cares for the church by feeding it and nurturing it and taking care of it.
Jesus and the church are ONE, eternally linked together.
NO WONDER THE DEVIL HATES MARRIAGE because he HATES CHRIST and HIS CHURCH.
Now do you understand how SPIRITUAL the institution of marriage really is?
Because it is SPIRITUAL, it must be seen as SPIRITUAL and dealt with SPIRITUALLY.
In Ephesians, right after we see the PLAN of GOD for the family (God, Spouse, Children, Work) look at what is next:
It is the passage on spiritual warfare. (This is not coincidence).
Ephesians 6:10-18 (NLT) A final word: Be strong in the Lord and in his mighty power.
11 Put on all of God’s armor so that you will be able to stand firm against all strategies of the devil.
12 For we are not fighting against flesh-and-blood enemies, but against evil rulers and authorities of the unseen world, against mighty powers in this dark world, and against evil spirits in the heavenly places.
13 Therefore, put on every piece of God’s armor so you will be able to resist the enemy in the time of evil. Then after the battle you will still be standing firm.
14 Stand your ground, putting on the belt of truth and the body armor of God’s righteousness. 15 For shoes, put on the peace that comes from the Good News so that you will be fully prepared.
16 In addition to all of these, hold up the shield of faith to stop the fiery arrows of the devil. 17 Put on salvation as your helmet, and take the sword of the Spirit, which is the word of God.
18 Pray in the Spirit at all times and on every occasion. Stay alert and be persistent in your prayers for all believers everywhere.
What does this tell you?
You don’t fight spiritual battles in the physical realm, you fight them in the spiritual realm with the spiritual armor and spiritual weaponry that God provides.
Some of you are fighting physically against one another thinking that your spouse is the problem or the enemy.
NO! The devil is your enemy and YOU MUST WAGE WAR AGAINST HIM.
Standing upon TRUTH
Living in the RIGHTEOUSNESS that Jesus provides
Understanding the PEACE of God’s Salvation
Standing on the promises of God by FAITH
Understanding the full scope and assurance of your SALVATION
Wielding the Sword of the Spirit which is the WORD OF GOD
and getting on your knees in PRAYER.
Wage war against the defeated enemy who is desperately trying to wage war against you.
Repent to God because of your marriage
Believe God for your marriage
Ask Him to restore your marriage
Pray for your marriage
Fight for your marriage in Jesus name.
Don’t let the devil divide what Jesus has declared to be ONE.
LIES WE BELIEVE IN MARRIAGE
The devil hates your marriage.
The devil will show up in your marriage.
He begins feeding you lies that if they are believed will lead you down the road to destruction, not blessing.
I Peter 5:8 (NLT) Stay alert! Watch out for your great enemy, the devil. He prowls around like a roaring lion, looking for someone to devour.
What are some of these lies we are so prone to believe?
(1) “No One Else’s Marriage Looks Like This.”
Devil begins to tell you that “you’re the only couple that struggles like this.”
The devil has you convinced that your marriage is on an island, and that no one else has the problems that you have in your marriage.
Simply not true…everybody around you struggles on different levels with pretty much the same things you struggle with in your marriage.
(2) “Divorce Will Solve All of My Problems.”
Divorce is not the answer, and it’s not going to solve your problems.
Divorce is a problem shifter—it may take away your current problems but at the same time it will give you new problems.
Guilty feelings, a sense of failure, deep loneliness.
Research has proven that couples are far happier and more fulfilled when they work through their problems as opposed to bailing when problems come.
Do you know what you need to do in your marriage?
Take the divorce option and throw it away.
Take it off of the list of possible options.
If you leave divorce as an option, the devil will make sure you find it every time.
(3) “Finding The Right Person Will Bring Ultimate Fulfillment.”
Do you know what’s interesting about your marriage situation?
No one forced you into it.
No one forced you to marry the person you are currently with.
It was not arranged (if in our culture).
It was your choice.
But now you begin to believe the idea that you are not satisfied in your marriage because you have married the wrong person, and you begin to believe that what you need is a NEW person.
"If only I could marry my “soul mate” “best friend”
“That will bring lasting happiness and deep fulfillment.”
From where, as Christ-followers, are we to receive our fulfillment? Not from a person but from God.
Matthew 22:36-39 (NLT) 36 "Teacher, which is the most important commandment in the law of Moses?" 37 Jesus replied, "'You must love the LORD your God with all your heart, all your soul, and all your mind.' 38 This is the first and greatest commandment. 39 A second is equally important: 'Love your neighbor as yourself.'*
No person can fulfill you
That spot is reserved for God and God alone.
(4) “Nothing Will Ever Change.”
Marriage is all about change.
Women marry men hoping they will change.
Men marry women hoping they will never change.
Here’s the truth about change:
Only God can truly change your spouse and your marriage.
God never asks you to change your spouse.
He reserves that job only for Himself.
He asks you to love your spouse.
Love them for who they are…how God created them.
Love them by putting their needs above your own—serving.
God can and will change your marriage if you are willing for Him to do so.
The devil hates your marriage.
The devil will show up in your marriage.
He begins feeding you lies that if they are believed will lead you down the road to destruction, not blessing.
I Peter 5:8 (NLT) Stay alert! Watch out for your great enemy, the devil. He prowls around like a roaring lion, looking for someone to devour.
What are some of these lies we are so prone to believe?
(1) “No One Else’s Marriage Looks Like This.”
Devil begins to tell you that “you’re the only couple that struggles like this.”
The devil has you convinced that your marriage is on an island, and that no one else has the problems that you have in your marriage.
Simply not true…everybody around you struggles on different levels with pretty much the same things you struggle with in your marriage.
(2) “Divorce Will Solve All of My Problems.”
Divorce is not the answer, and it’s not going to solve your problems.
Divorce is a problem shifter—it may take away your current problems but at the same time it will give you new problems.
Guilty feelings, a sense of failure, deep loneliness.
Research has proven that couples are far happier and more fulfilled when they work through their problems as opposed to bailing when problems come.
Do you know what you need to do in your marriage?
Take the divorce option and throw it away.
Take it off of the list of possible options.
If you leave divorce as an option, the devil will make sure you find it every time.
(3) “Finding The Right Person Will Bring Ultimate Fulfillment.”
Do you know what’s interesting about your marriage situation?
No one forced you into it.
No one forced you to marry the person you are currently with.
It was not arranged (if in our culture).
It was your choice.
But now you begin to believe the idea that you are not satisfied in your marriage because you have married the wrong person, and you begin to believe that what you need is a NEW person.
"If only I could marry my “soul mate” “best friend”
“That will bring lasting happiness and deep fulfillment.”
From where, as Christ-followers, are we to receive our fulfillment? Not from a person but from God.
Matthew 22:36-39 (NLT) 36 "Teacher, which is the most important commandment in the law of Moses?" 37 Jesus replied, "'You must love the LORD your God with all your heart, all your soul, and all your mind.' 38 This is the first and greatest commandment. 39 A second is equally important: 'Love your neighbor as yourself.'*
No person can fulfill you
That spot is reserved for God and God alone.
(4) “Nothing Will Ever Change.”
Marriage is all about change.
Women marry men hoping they will change.
Men marry women hoping they will never change.
Here’s the truth about change:
Only God can truly change your spouse and your marriage.
God never asks you to change your spouse.
He reserves that job only for Himself.
He asks you to love your spouse.
Love them for who they are…how God created them.
Love them by putting their needs above your own—serving.
God can and will change your marriage if you are willing for Him to do so.
CORE NEEDS IN MEN AND WOMEN
Genesis 1:27 (NLT) So God created human beings in his own image. In the image of God he created them; male and female he created them.
Matthew 19:4-5 (NLT) "Haven't you read the Scriptures?" Jesus replied. "They record that from the beginning 'God made them male and female.' 5 And he said, 'This explains why a man leaves his father and mother and is joined to his wife, and the two are united into one.'
1 Peter 3:7 (NKJV) Husbands, likewise, dwell with them with understanding, giving honor to the wife, as to the weaker vessel, and as being heirs together of the grace of life, that your prayers may not be hindered.
The more we come to understand and appreciate these fundamental differences, the better we will be.
Most conflict comes from men/women issues not husband/wife differences.
What are some of these essential core needs?
FOR HER
1. Love
Ephesians 5:25 (NIV) Husbands, love your wives, just as Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her
2. Security
In your Commitment to her.
Reassure here that you will always love her, no matter what.
In your Integrity to her.
Working hard, committed, perform your job with integrity.
Not running the streets.
Being a man of your word.
In your Humility towards her.
Valuing her opinion/not acting independently of her (like up and moving the family without her knowledge or buying something expensive without her knowledge.)
In your Spirituality seen by her.
She wants you to lead out spiritually.
She wants you to initiate spiritual things (prayer, belonging to the Body of Christ)
She wants to know that you are seeking God, in decisions and in the way you live your life.
3. Significance
She needs to know that she is noticed and appreciated.
You are her only cheerleader…she needs to hear you cheer for her.
She needs to know that you delight in her.
She needs to hear the things that are special to you about her.
She needs to see you serving her.
Helping out around the house…taking kids…
It says to her “teammate, not boss.”
-Matthew 20:28 (NLT) For even the Son of Man came not to be served but to serve others and to give his life as a ransom for many."
4. Emotional Responsiveness
Talk to her (look her in the eyes)
Touch her (hug, hold hand, kiss forehead)
When you touch her affectionately in a non-sexual way, it speaks to a whole volume of things (I see you, I love you, I want to be with you…)
Date your wife
FOR HIM
1. Respect
Ephesians 5:33 (NLT) So again I say, each man must love his wife as he loves himself, and the wife must respect her husband.
Respect is recognizing the man’s value to make decisions and to lead.
2. Submission
Ephesians 5:21-22 (NLT) And further, submit to one another out of reverence for Christ.
22 For wives, this means submit to your husbands as to the Lord.
For men this means to love
For women this means to let him lead
This does not mean domination or to be dominated.
It simply means to make him feel like a man.
Trust his decisions and not second guessing.
He wants a Completer not a Competer
3. Praise
The male ego is a fragile thing.
Saying to him: “I am so proud of you” rather than “I love you.”
It speaks of doing a good job
What you focus on will come out in your spouse
He will want to live up to your praise
4. Physical Responsiveness
Sex that YOU initiate.
It a powerfully emotional thing that fills him up and gives him power.
Homework for the rest of your married life:
1. Become A Student Of Your Spouse (LOVE MAP)
Ask specific questions
2. Appreciate The Differences (FONDNESS AND ADMIRATION SYSTEM)
Again, what you focus on will come out in your spouse
3. READ, READ, READ
For Men Only
For Women Only
5 Love Languages (Core Emotional Needs Not Gender Specific)
Men’s Fraternity
4. Rely On The Lord
Ask God to help you view your spouse as He sees them.
God created them…God loves them…He can give us that same affection.
We just have to ask Him for it.
Genesis 1:27 (NLT) So God created human beings in his own image. In the image of God he created them; male and female he created them.
Matthew 19:4-5 (NLT) "Haven't you read the Scriptures?" Jesus replied. "They record that from the beginning 'God made them male and female.' 5 And he said, 'This explains why a man leaves his father and mother and is joined to his wife, and the two are united into one.'
1 Peter 3:7 (NKJV) Husbands, likewise, dwell with them with understanding, giving honor to the wife, as to the weaker vessel, and as being heirs together of the grace of life, that your prayers may not be hindered.
The more we come to understand and appreciate these fundamental differences, the better we will be.
Most conflict comes from men/women issues not husband/wife differences.
What are some of these essential core needs?
FOR HER
1. Love
Ephesians 5:25 (NIV) Husbands, love your wives, just as Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her
2. Security
In your Commitment to her.
Reassure here that you will always love her, no matter what.
In your Integrity to her.
Working hard, committed, perform your job with integrity.
Not running the streets.
Being a man of your word.
In your Humility towards her.
Valuing her opinion/not acting independently of her (like up and moving the family without her knowledge or buying something expensive without her knowledge.)
In your Spirituality seen by her.
She wants you to lead out spiritually.
She wants you to initiate spiritual things (prayer, belonging to the Body of Christ)
She wants to know that you are seeking God, in decisions and in the way you live your life.
3. Significance
She needs to know that she is noticed and appreciated.
You are her only cheerleader…she needs to hear you cheer for her.
She needs to know that you delight in her.
She needs to hear the things that are special to you about her.
She needs to see you serving her.
Helping out around the house…taking kids…
It says to her “teammate, not boss.”
-Matthew 20:28 (NLT) For even the Son of Man came not to be served but to serve others and to give his life as a ransom for many."
4. Emotional Responsiveness
Talk to her (look her in the eyes)
Touch her (hug, hold hand, kiss forehead)
When you touch her affectionately in a non-sexual way, it speaks to a whole volume of things (I see you, I love you, I want to be with you…)
Date your wife
FOR HIM
1. Respect
Ephesians 5:33 (NLT) So again I say, each man must love his wife as he loves himself, and the wife must respect her husband.
Respect is recognizing the man’s value to make decisions and to lead.
2. Submission
Ephesians 5:21-22 (NLT) And further, submit to one another out of reverence for Christ.
22 For wives, this means submit to your husbands as to the Lord.
For men this means to love
For women this means to let him lead
This does not mean domination or to be dominated.
It simply means to make him feel like a man.
Trust his decisions and not second guessing.
He wants a Completer not a Competer
3. Praise
The male ego is a fragile thing.
Saying to him: “I am so proud of you” rather than “I love you.”
It speaks of doing a good job
What you focus on will come out in your spouse
He will want to live up to your praise
4. Physical Responsiveness
Sex that YOU initiate.
It a powerfully emotional thing that fills him up and gives him power.
Homework for the rest of your married life:
1. Become A Student Of Your Spouse (LOVE MAP)
Ask specific questions
2. Appreciate The Differences (FONDNESS AND ADMIRATION SYSTEM)
Again, what you focus on will come out in your spouse
3. READ, READ, READ
For Men Only
For Women Only
5 Love Languages (Core Emotional Needs Not Gender Specific)
Men’s Fraternity
4. Rely On The Lord
Ask God to help you view your spouse as He sees them.
God created them…God loves them…He can give us that same affection.
We just have to ask Him for it.
CONFLICT and COMMUNICATION
Most couples do not know how to communicate well and here’s why:
(1) Many do not grow up with good parent or church models on how to deal with conflict.
(2) We are selfish!
Do you know what communication is?
Communication is not just talking.
Communication Must Lead To Understanding
If there is no understanding, communication has not taken place…just words.
Myth: “Good Marriages Don’t Have Conflict”
This is based on a “Romanticized View of Marriage.”
No problems
No cross words
Total agreement all the time.
If it is not this way, then we begin to think things like this:
“I married the wrong person”
“I’ve made a huge mistake”
“He or she must not be the one.”
It’s the reason why there are so many divorces: unrealistic expectations.
Here’s the truth:
Even great marriages have conflict. (Leads to growth and Intimacy)
How can there be 2 totally different people living together and there be no conflict?
Conflict is neither good or bad…it just is.
When in the Bible is Jesus not in conflict?
It is not conflict that kills…mishandled conflict kills.
James 1:19 (NIV) My dear brothers, take note of this: Everyone should be quick to listen, slow to speak and slow to become angry,
Things to Remember when conflicting:
(1) You Are Responsible To God For Your Actions and Reactions
No matter what they say or how they react, your job is to please God.
(2) Implement The 10 Minute Rule
Some of you can talk about an issue for hours.
Others get to an overload point (flooding).
If you get to that point, simply say, “I need 10 Minutes.”
It will give you time to calm down, and it will give them time to cool off.
(3) Make Sure There Is a Resolution
Don’t leave a dialogue undone.
Bring it to a resolution.
(4) Value The Other Person
In conflict, remember that the person you are conflicting with has value
(5) Date Night
Communicate away from the kids and away from the distractions of life.
(6) Don’t Be Afraid To Get Outside Help
Letting others in is a good thing.
Counseling is a good thing.
There is tremendous value in letting someone else view your marriage.
Communication can only take place to the degree that each of you is willing to engage in the process.
Most couples do not know how to communicate well and here’s why:
(1) Many do not grow up with good parent or church models on how to deal with conflict.
(2) We are selfish!
Do you know what communication is?
Communication is not just talking.
Communication Must Lead To Understanding
If there is no understanding, communication has not taken place…just words.
Myth: “Good Marriages Don’t Have Conflict”
This is based on a “Romanticized View of Marriage.”
No problems
No cross words
Total agreement all the time.
If it is not this way, then we begin to think things like this:
“I married the wrong person”
“I’ve made a huge mistake”
“He or she must not be the one.”
It’s the reason why there are so many divorces: unrealistic expectations.
Here’s the truth:
Even great marriages have conflict. (Leads to growth and Intimacy)
How can there be 2 totally different people living together and there be no conflict?
Conflict is neither good or bad…it just is.
When in the Bible is Jesus not in conflict?
It is not conflict that kills…mishandled conflict kills.
James 1:19 (NIV) My dear brothers, take note of this: Everyone should be quick to listen, slow to speak and slow to become angry,
Things to Remember when conflicting:
(1) You Are Responsible To God For Your Actions and Reactions
No matter what they say or how they react, your job is to please God.
(2) Implement The 10 Minute Rule
Some of you can talk about an issue for hours.
Others get to an overload point (flooding).
If you get to that point, simply say, “I need 10 Minutes.”
It will give you time to calm down, and it will give them time to cool off.
(3) Make Sure There Is a Resolution
Don’t leave a dialogue undone.
Bring it to a resolution.
(4) Value The Other Person
In conflict, remember that the person you are conflicting with has value
(5) Date Night
Communicate away from the kids and away from the distractions of life.
(6) Don’t Be Afraid To Get Outside Help
Letting others in is a good thing.
Counseling is a good thing.
There is tremendous value in letting someone else view your marriage.
Communication can only take place to the degree that each of you is willing to engage in the process.
SEXUAL INTIMACY
Sex is to be reserved only for a husband and a wife inside the confines of a marriage covenant.
Basic Understanding:
(1) Sex Is God’s Idea
He thought it up and He invented.
There are so many dirty and negative feelings attached to sex b/c we’ve taken God out of it.
Genesis 2:25 (NLT) Now the man and his wife were both naked, but they felt no shame.
(2) Sex Is Worship To God
When a husband and wife engage in sex, God is present and God is pleased.
We are loving our spouses at the highest physical level.
It is worship because it should be a totally selfless act.
Because it is worship, that’s why porn and adultery can never be brought into it.
It is a holy act and it is a worshipful act.
There are Lies that we are told about sex:
(1) Men And Women Are Wired The Same When It Comes To Sex
Genesis 1:27 (NLT) So God created human beings in his own image. In the image of God he created them; male and female he created them.
What Sex means to a wife
Kitchen Appliance: crock pot
Sex for her takes time to warm up
For many wives, sex is a burden to bear not a blessing to give or a benefit to receive.
Here’s why:
(a) Inaccurate view of sex—sex is not just for men or just to populate the world.
(b) Sex to her is so much more than a physical act.
When her security need is being met, when conflict is being handled in a gentle and understanding way, when she feels loved by you (loving her at the deepest level when you are gently loving her children), all of that helps to build her sexual desire.
When she engages in sex, she is not necessarily doing it to have her physical needs met but for CLOSENESS.
She feels like having sex when she feels close, secure, and rested in the love of her husband.
What Sex means to a husband
Kitchen Appliance: Microwave
(a) His Sex Drive Is Powerful, Persistent and Normal
Not weird, not a sex fanatic
Wired regularly to feel the need for sex
Maybe a week goes by before the thought enters her mind but for him, rarely does a day go by without the thought of it.
(b) Sex To Him Is What Closeness Is To Her
It is loving him at his deepest level
(c) Sex For Him Makes Everybody Win
It energizes him.
It affirms His Manhood.
Tim LaHaye “A man can endure academic, educational, and social failure as long as he and his wife can relate well in the bedroom.”
It brings Closeness.
It takes him to a different level.
It reduces friction in the home.
He becomes more loving, more productive, better with the kids, a better servant.
(d) His Desire To Be Desired Is Even Greater Than His Desire For Sex
There is a major difference between him asking and you saying “yes” and you initiating.
If you want to pump life into your marriage as a wife—initiate sex.
He is reassured of his masculinity at the deepest level.
You may not always feel like it. Pray for the desire for your husband in this way.
(2) Sex should just come natural…it shouldn’t take any work
Sex is the single greatest source of conflict in my marriage, not money, not children…
Part of that comes from what we just talked about…differences between husbands and wives.
Most of it comes from a husband and wife NOT understanding God’s idea of sex
1 Corinthians 7:3-5 (NLT) The husband should fulfill his wife's sexual needs, and the wife should fulfill her husband's needs. 4 The wife gives authority over her body to her husband, and the husband gives authority over his body to his wife.
5 Do not deprive each other of sexual relations, unless you both agree to refrain from sexual intimacy for a limited time so you can give yourselves more completely to prayer. Afterward, you should come together again so that Satan won't be able to tempt you because of your lack of self-control.
Sex to God is SELFLESS not SELFISH.
Most of us come to the bedroom with our needs on our minds.
She feels like an object to be used.
Sex feels like power to control
Present is rejection, hurt feelings, etc.
What if her mind was on his needs and his mind was on her needs?
Great sexual worship takes place when we elevate our spouses needs and lower our own.
Philippians 2:3 (NIV) Do nothing out of selfish ambition or vain conceit, but in humility consider others better than yourselves.
Homework:
You and your spouse need to sit down and communicate about your sex life.
Ask these questions:
“How am I doing meeting your needs?”
“What do you love about our sex life?”
“What can we do to make it even better?”
Wives, if possible, spontaneously initiate sex one day this week.
Husbands, turn her crock pot on this week by:
Helping around the house
Connecting Emotionally With Her, talking with her, spending quality time with her,
Write her a note of appreciation.
Invest some quality time in the kids
Begin praying for your sex life and praying before sex
Ask God to:
Show you what sex is all about (How did He intend this gift to be used)
Help you understand what your spouse needs.
Help you to put their needs over your own.
Ask God to bless your time together
Sex is to be reserved only for a husband and a wife inside the confines of a marriage covenant.
Basic Understanding:
(1) Sex Is God’s Idea
He thought it up and He invented.
There are so many dirty and negative feelings attached to sex b/c we’ve taken God out of it.
Genesis 2:25 (NLT) Now the man and his wife were both naked, but they felt no shame.
(2) Sex Is Worship To God
When a husband and wife engage in sex, God is present and God is pleased.
We are loving our spouses at the highest physical level.
It is worship because it should be a totally selfless act.
Because it is worship, that’s why porn and adultery can never be brought into it.
It is a holy act and it is a worshipful act.
There are Lies that we are told about sex:
(1) Men And Women Are Wired The Same When It Comes To Sex
Genesis 1:27 (NLT) So God created human beings in his own image. In the image of God he created them; male and female he created them.
What Sex means to a wife
Kitchen Appliance: crock pot
Sex for her takes time to warm up
For many wives, sex is a burden to bear not a blessing to give or a benefit to receive.
Here’s why:
(a) Inaccurate view of sex—sex is not just for men or just to populate the world.
(b) Sex to her is so much more than a physical act.
When her security need is being met, when conflict is being handled in a gentle and understanding way, when she feels loved by you (loving her at the deepest level when you are gently loving her children), all of that helps to build her sexual desire.
When she engages in sex, she is not necessarily doing it to have her physical needs met but for CLOSENESS.
She feels like having sex when she feels close, secure, and rested in the love of her husband.
What Sex means to a husband
Kitchen Appliance: Microwave
(a) His Sex Drive Is Powerful, Persistent and Normal
Not weird, not a sex fanatic
Wired regularly to feel the need for sex
Maybe a week goes by before the thought enters her mind but for him, rarely does a day go by without the thought of it.
(b) Sex To Him Is What Closeness Is To Her
It is loving him at his deepest level
(c) Sex For Him Makes Everybody Win
It energizes him.
It affirms His Manhood.
Tim LaHaye “A man can endure academic, educational, and social failure as long as he and his wife can relate well in the bedroom.”
It brings Closeness.
It takes him to a different level.
It reduces friction in the home.
He becomes more loving, more productive, better with the kids, a better servant.
(d) His Desire To Be Desired Is Even Greater Than His Desire For Sex
There is a major difference between him asking and you saying “yes” and you initiating.
If you want to pump life into your marriage as a wife—initiate sex.
He is reassured of his masculinity at the deepest level.
You may not always feel like it. Pray for the desire for your husband in this way.
(2) Sex should just come natural…it shouldn’t take any work
Sex is the single greatest source of conflict in my marriage, not money, not children…
Part of that comes from what we just talked about…differences between husbands and wives.
Most of it comes from a husband and wife NOT understanding God’s idea of sex
1 Corinthians 7:3-5 (NLT) The husband should fulfill his wife's sexual needs, and the wife should fulfill her husband's needs. 4 The wife gives authority over her body to her husband, and the husband gives authority over his body to his wife.
5 Do not deprive each other of sexual relations, unless you both agree to refrain from sexual intimacy for a limited time so you can give yourselves more completely to prayer. Afterward, you should come together again so that Satan won't be able to tempt you because of your lack of self-control.
Sex to God is SELFLESS not SELFISH.
Most of us come to the bedroom with our needs on our minds.
She feels like an object to be used.
Sex feels like power to control
Present is rejection, hurt feelings, etc.
What if her mind was on his needs and his mind was on her needs?
Great sexual worship takes place when we elevate our spouses needs and lower our own.
Philippians 2:3 (NIV) Do nothing out of selfish ambition or vain conceit, but in humility consider others better than yourselves.
Homework:
You and your spouse need to sit down and communicate about your sex life.
Ask these questions:
“How am I doing meeting your needs?”
“What do you love about our sex life?”
“What can we do to make it even better?”
Wives, if possible, spontaneously initiate sex one day this week.
Husbands, turn her crock pot on this week by:
Helping around the house
Connecting Emotionally With Her, talking with her, spending quality time with her,
Write her a note of appreciation.
Invest some quality time in the kids
Begin praying for your sex life and praying before sex
Ask God to:
Show you what sex is all about (How did He intend this gift to be used)
Help you understand what your spouse needs.
Help you to put their needs over your own.
Ask God to bless your time together
FORGIVENESS IN MARRIAGE
We’ve all been hurt by someone at some point in our life
Every time that hurt comes up, we have to make a choice: forgive them or not.
If you know the story of the prodigal son found in Luke 15, you know that he shamed his father and wasted his inheritance in wild living.
When he came to his senses, he returned to his father, hoping for that relationship to be restored.
When the father saw him, he lavished him with unconditional love and forgiveness.
Notice the reaction of the other brother who never left his father’s side:
Luke 15:25-30 (NLT) 25 "Meanwhile, the older son was in the fields working. When he returned home, he heard music and dancing in the house,26 and he asked one of the servants what was going on.27 'Your brother is back,' he was told, 'and your father has killed the fattened calf. We are celebrating because of his safe return.'
28 "The older brother was angry and wouldn't go in. His father came out and begged him,29 but he replied, 'All these years I've slaved for you and never once refused to do a single thing you told me to. And in all that time you never gave me even one young goat for a feast with my friends.30 Yet when this son of yours comes back after squandering your money on prostitutes, you celebrate by killing the fattened calf!'
“Angry, wouldn’t go in”
He heard music but couldn’t celebrate
His joy was robbed because of his hatred for his brother and his father.
Unforgiveness and Joy cannot live in the same heart.
LIES surrounding forgiveness:
(1) Saying “I forgive you” means you’ve forgiven them
Saying with your lips and keeping what’s in your heart are two different things.
Just like the older brother, the offended spirit may still be there.
(2) Forgiveness is letting them off the hook
Forgiveness is really letting yourself off the hook
(3) Forgiveness means approval
God never approves of any of our sin
He chooses to forgive
(4) Forgiveness is a feeling
“I’ll forgive them when I feel like forgiving them.”
When do you feel like forgiving someone?
It is a choice.
Here’s the TRUTH:
(1) We are Commanded by God to forgive
Jesus talks about that in the Lord’s prayer “Forgive…as we forgive…”
Ephesians 4:32 (NLT) Instead, be kind to each other, tenderhearted, forgiving one another, just as God through Christ has forgiven you.
(2) Every Time We Withhold Forgiveness, We Lock Ourselves In A Spiritual Prison.
Matthew 18:21-35 (NLT) 21 Then Peter came to him and asked, "Lord, how often should I forgive someone who sins against me? Seven times?"
22 "No, not seven times," Jesus replied, "but seventy times seven!
23 "Therefore, the Kingdom of Heaven can be compared to a king who decided to bring his accounts up to date with servants who had borrowed money from him.
24 In the process, one of his debtors was brought in who owed him millions of dollars.
25 He couldn't pay, so his master ordered that he be sold—along with his wife, his children, and everything he owned—to pay the debt.
26 "But the man fell down before his master and begged him, 'Please, be patient with me, and I will pay it all.'
27 Then his master was filled with pity for him, and he released him and forgave his debt.
28 "But when the man left the king, he went to a fellow servant who owed him a few thousand dollars.
He grabbed him by the throat and demanded instant payment.
29 "His fellow servant fell down before him and begged for a little more time. 'Be patient with me, and I will pay it,' he pleaded.
30 But his creditor wouldn't wait. He had the man arrested and put in prison until the debt could be paid in full.
31 "When some of the other servants saw this, they were very upset. They went to the king and told him everything that had happened.
32 Then the king called in the man he had forgiven and said, 'You evil servant! I forgave you that tremendous debt because you pleaded with me.
33 Shouldn't you have mercy on your fellow servant, just as I had mercy on you?'
34 Then the angry king sent the man to prison to be tortured until he had paid his entire debt.
35 "That's what my heavenly Father will do to you if you refuse to forgive your brothers and sisters from your heart."
It kills us spiritually, and it takes the life right out of us and out of our relationship with God.
It’s puts us in a prison and forces us to live in a spiritually barren place.
(3) Every Time We Withhold Forgiveness, We Take The Place of God
Unforgiveness is you trying to play God
Forgiveness is you handing the consequences to God.
How do you forgive?
(1) Know what forgiveness is
A willingness to erase the list
They no longer have to pay
It is your choice to forgive but it’s not accomplished through your power.
Surrendering your right to hurt for you being hurt
Releasing them to God
Letting God handle the offender
(2) Know the source of forgiveness
Luke 15:31-32 (NLT) 31 "His father said to him, 'Look, dear son, you have always stayed by me, and everything I have is yours. 32 We had to celebrate this happy day. For your brother was dead and has come back to life! He was lost, but now he is found!'"
What the father said to the older brother is true for us.
“You have always stayed by me”….. “I am always with you.”
As believers, we have this privilege—the presence of God is available
You run into the Father’s presence.
As you spend time with Him:
His life becomes your life
His heart, your heart
His love, your love
The father also says to the older son:
vs 31 “Everything I have is yours”
What you need, God supplies
It’s is God’s power that forgives. He just asks you to agree with Him that it needs to take place.
Jesus says, “I am the vine…without me, you can do nothing.”
Allow the forgiveness of Jesus to flow through you.
We’ve all been hurt by someone at some point in our life
Every time that hurt comes up, we have to make a choice: forgive them or not.
If you know the story of the prodigal son found in Luke 15, you know that he shamed his father and wasted his inheritance in wild living.
When he came to his senses, he returned to his father, hoping for that relationship to be restored.
When the father saw him, he lavished him with unconditional love and forgiveness.
Notice the reaction of the other brother who never left his father’s side:
Luke 15:25-30 (NLT) 25 "Meanwhile, the older son was in the fields working. When he returned home, he heard music and dancing in the house,26 and he asked one of the servants what was going on.27 'Your brother is back,' he was told, 'and your father has killed the fattened calf. We are celebrating because of his safe return.'
28 "The older brother was angry and wouldn't go in. His father came out and begged him,29 but he replied, 'All these years I've slaved for you and never once refused to do a single thing you told me to. And in all that time you never gave me even one young goat for a feast with my friends.30 Yet when this son of yours comes back after squandering your money on prostitutes, you celebrate by killing the fattened calf!'
“Angry, wouldn’t go in”
He heard music but couldn’t celebrate
His joy was robbed because of his hatred for his brother and his father.
Unforgiveness and Joy cannot live in the same heart.
LIES surrounding forgiveness:
(1) Saying “I forgive you” means you’ve forgiven them
Saying with your lips and keeping what’s in your heart are two different things.
Just like the older brother, the offended spirit may still be there.
(2) Forgiveness is letting them off the hook
Forgiveness is really letting yourself off the hook
(3) Forgiveness means approval
God never approves of any of our sin
He chooses to forgive
(4) Forgiveness is a feeling
“I’ll forgive them when I feel like forgiving them.”
When do you feel like forgiving someone?
It is a choice.
Here’s the TRUTH:
(1) We are Commanded by God to forgive
Jesus talks about that in the Lord’s prayer “Forgive…as we forgive…”
Ephesians 4:32 (NLT) Instead, be kind to each other, tenderhearted, forgiving one another, just as God through Christ has forgiven you.
(2) Every Time We Withhold Forgiveness, We Lock Ourselves In A Spiritual Prison.
Matthew 18:21-35 (NLT) 21 Then Peter came to him and asked, "Lord, how often should I forgive someone who sins against me? Seven times?"
22 "No, not seven times," Jesus replied, "but seventy times seven!
23 "Therefore, the Kingdom of Heaven can be compared to a king who decided to bring his accounts up to date with servants who had borrowed money from him.
24 In the process, one of his debtors was brought in who owed him millions of dollars.
25 He couldn't pay, so his master ordered that he be sold—along with his wife, his children, and everything he owned—to pay the debt.
26 "But the man fell down before his master and begged him, 'Please, be patient with me, and I will pay it all.'
27 Then his master was filled with pity for him, and he released him and forgave his debt.
28 "But when the man left the king, he went to a fellow servant who owed him a few thousand dollars.
He grabbed him by the throat and demanded instant payment.
29 "His fellow servant fell down before him and begged for a little more time. 'Be patient with me, and I will pay it,' he pleaded.
30 But his creditor wouldn't wait. He had the man arrested and put in prison until the debt could be paid in full.
31 "When some of the other servants saw this, they were very upset. They went to the king and told him everything that had happened.
32 Then the king called in the man he had forgiven and said, 'You evil servant! I forgave you that tremendous debt because you pleaded with me.
33 Shouldn't you have mercy on your fellow servant, just as I had mercy on you?'
34 Then the angry king sent the man to prison to be tortured until he had paid his entire debt.
35 "That's what my heavenly Father will do to you if you refuse to forgive your brothers and sisters from your heart."
It kills us spiritually, and it takes the life right out of us and out of our relationship with God.
It’s puts us in a prison and forces us to live in a spiritually barren place.
(3) Every Time We Withhold Forgiveness, We Take The Place of God
Unforgiveness is you trying to play God
Forgiveness is you handing the consequences to God.
How do you forgive?
(1) Know what forgiveness is
A willingness to erase the list
They no longer have to pay
It is your choice to forgive but it’s not accomplished through your power.
Surrendering your right to hurt for you being hurt
Releasing them to God
Letting God handle the offender
(2) Know the source of forgiveness
Luke 15:31-32 (NLT) 31 "His father said to him, 'Look, dear son, you have always stayed by me, and everything I have is yours. 32 We had to celebrate this happy day. For your brother was dead and has come back to life! He was lost, but now he is found!'"
What the father said to the older brother is true for us.
“You have always stayed by me”….. “I am always with you.”
As believers, we have this privilege—the presence of God is available
You run into the Father’s presence.
As you spend time with Him:
His life becomes your life
His heart, your heart
His love, your love
The father also says to the older son:
vs 31 “Everything I have is yours”
What you need, God supplies
It’s is God’s power that forgives. He just asks you to agree with Him that it needs to take place.
Jesus says, “I am the vine…without me, you can do nothing.”
Allow the forgiveness of Jesus to flow through you.
JESUS AS THE CENTER OF YOUR MARRIAGE
If you are a Christ-follower, Jesus is in your marriage.
Too many Christ-followers think that Jesus is sufficient for salvation but not for marriage.
Here’s the truth: we are never to be independent from Jesus in anything.
If He’s in You, He wants to do your marriage through you.
Not you doing it but Him doing it.
Many people live with a grieved or quenched HS…
(1) Grieved because of sin
One unconfessed sin will grieve the Spirit of God
You will have no power until you deal with your sin.
Psalm 139:23-24 (NLT) Search me, O God, and know my heart; test me and know my anxious thoughts. 24 Point out anything in me that offends you, and lead me along the path of everlasting life.
Agree with God about your sin
Confess your sin to God
Get into God’s Word…obey it and submit to it.
(2) Grieved because of self
You’ve got yourself on the throne and Jesus off to the side
Jesus needs to be the superior and the dictator in your life
It works no other way and fulfillment comes no other way.
Luke 9:23 (NIV) Then he said to them all: "If anyone would come after me, he must deny himself and take up his cross daily and follow me.
Romans 12:1 (NIV) Therefore, I urge you, brothers and sisters, in view of God’s mercy, to offer your bodies as a living sacrifice, holy and pleasing to God—this is your true and proper worship.
Yield yourself completely to the Lordship of Jesus
Only Jesus can provide what your spouse needs
When you get out of the way and you let Jesus live through you, God begins to love your spouse through you.
He will lead you to pray together, worship together and love one another.
What do I do if my spouse is not a Christ-follower? Is there any hope for my marriage?
I Corinthians 7:12-16 (NLT) Now, I will speak to the rest of you, though I do not have a direct command from the Lord. If a Christian man has a wife who is not a believer and she is willing to continue living with him, he must not leave her.
13 And if a Christian woman has a husband who is not a believer and he is willing to continue living with her, she must not leave him. For the Christian wife brings holiness to her marriage, and the Christian husband brings holiness to his marriage. Otherwise, your children would not be holy, but now they are holy.
15 But if the husband or wife who isn't a believer insists on leaving, let them go. In such cases the Christian husband or wife is no longer bound to the other, for God has called you to live in peace.) 16 Don't you wives realize that your husbands might be saved because of you? And don't you husbands realize that your wives might be saved because of you?
What does Paul mean by holiness?”
Jesus is now a part of that home because He exists in the believing spouse.
Jesus is willing to bless and grace that home even if it is just through one spouse.
Here’s what is crystal clear:
Salvation may come to your spouse because of your life and how you live before them.
What if neither one of you are Christ-followers?
Here’s the Gospel that you need to believe and understand:
Jesus did something for you…what no one else could
Your sin separates you from God
God demands payment for that sin
He doesn’t demand it in the form of good deeds, trying harder, doing better, etc.
He demands it in the form of perfection—never sinning once, ever.
This is why we have Jesus.
Jesus, God in human skin, lived a sinless life and met the standard.
Instead of keeping that victory for himself, He did the unthinkable.
He crawled upon a cross and died a horrific death in our place.
We sinned, and we broke the law.
Jesus took our place and paid our penalty
He now offers us an exchange.
“You give me your sinfulness (Admit that you need Me)
“I’ll give you my perfection (Righteousness)
When you do that, Jesus comes to live inside of you.
It’s described as being born again, a new creation, having a living hope, transformed
He begins to change your desires
What you used to crave, you no longer crave
He will gently pull back the curtain on your sin and you will agree with Him about it.
He will live through you and love your spouse through you.
He’s the only one who can.
“How can salvation come to me?” “How does God come to live on the inside?”
Admit your need for Jesus and Believe!
Open up the door of your life to Him
“Jesus I invite you in to make your home in my life.”
If you are a Christ-follower, Jesus is in your marriage.
Too many Christ-followers think that Jesus is sufficient for salvation but not for marriage.
Here’s the truth: we are never to be independent from Jesus in anything.
If He’s in You, He wants to do your marriage through you.
Not you doing it but Him doing it.
Many people live with a grieved or quenched HS…
(1) Grieved because of sin
One unconfessed sin will grieve the Spirit of God
You will have no power until you deal with your sin.
Psalm 139:23-24 (NLT) Search me, O God, and know my heart; test me and know my anxious thoughts. 24 Point out anything in me that offends you, and lead me along the path of everlasting life.
Agree with God about your sin
Confess your sin to God
Get into God’s Word…obey it and submit to it.
(2) Grieved because of self
You’ve got yourself on the throne and Jesus off to the side
Jesus needs to be the superior and the dictator in your life
It works no other way and fulfillment comes no other way.
Luke 9:23 (NIV) Then he said to them all: "If anyone would come after me, he must deny himself and take up his cross daily and follow me.
Romans 12:1 (NIV) Therefore, I urge you, brothers and sisters, in view of God’s mercy, to offer your bodies as a living sacrifice, holy and pleasing to God—this is your true and proper worship.
Yield yourself completely to the Lordship of Jesus
Only Jesus can provide what your spouse needs
When you get out of the way and you let Jesus live through you, God begins to love your spouse through you.
He will lead you to pray together, worship together and love one another.
What do I do if my spouse is not a Christ-follower? Is there any hope for my marriage?
I Corinthians 7:12-16 (NLT) Now, I will speak to the rest of you, though I do not have a direct command from the Lord. If a Christian man has a wife who is not a believer and she is willing to continue living with him, he must not leave her.
13 And if a Christian woman has a husband who is not a believer and he is willing to continue living with her, she must not leave him. For the Christian wife brings holiness to her marriage, and the Christian husband brings holiness to his marriage. Otherwise, your children would not be holy, but now they are holy.
15 But if the husband or wife who isn't a believer insists on leaving, let them go. In such cases the Christian husband or wife is no longer bound to the other, for God has called you to live in peace.) 16 Don't you wives realize that your husbands might be saved because of you? And don't you husbands realize that your wives might be saved because of you?
What does Paul mean by holiness?”
Jesus is now a part of that home because He exists in the believing spouse.
Jesus is willing to bless and grace that home even if it is just through one spouse.
Here’s what is crystal clear:
Salvation may come to your spouse because of your life and how you live before them.
What if neither one of you are Christ-followers?
Here’s the Gospel that you need to believe and understand:
Jesus did something for you…what no one else could
Your sin separates you from God
God demands payment for that sin
He doesn’t demand it in the form of good deeds, trying harder, doing better, etc.
He demands it in the form of perfection—never sinning once, ever.
This is why we have Jesus.
Jesus, God in human skin, lived a sinless life and met the standard.
Instead of keeping that victory for himself, He did the unthinkable.
He crawled upon a cross and died a horrific death in our place.
We sinned, and we broke the law.
Jesus took our place and paid our penalty
He now offers us an exchange.
“You give me your sinfulness (Admit that you need Me)
“I’ll give you my perfection (Righteousness)
When you do that, Jesus comes to live inside of you.
It’s described as being born again, a new creation, having a living hope, transformed
He begins to change your desires
What you used to crave, you no longer crave
He will gently pull back the curtain on your sin and you will agree with Him about it.
He will live through you and love your spouse through you.
He’s the only one who can.
“How can salvation come to me?” “How does God come to live on the inside?”
Admit your need for Jesus and Believe!
Open up the door of your life to Him
“Jesus I invite you in to make your home in my life.”
Helpful Links
- The Case for Faith, The Case For Christ, The Case For A Creator by Lee Strobel
- Systematic Theology by Wayne Grudem
- Knowing God by J.I. Packer
- The Purpose Driven Life by Rick Warren
- The Wonderful Spirit Filled Life by Charles Stanley
- Mere Christianity by C.S. Lewis
- The Story of Christianity Volumes I and II by Justo Gonzalez
- The Pursuit of God by A.W. Tozer
- The Hiding Place by Corrie Ten Boom
- Hudson Taylor’s Spiritual Secret by Dr. and Mrs. Howard Taylor
- Secrets of the Vine by Bruce Wilkerson
- Handle With Prayer by Charles Stanley
- Soul Healing by Tammy Smith